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Tauqir’s story

I was born in the mid seventies of middle England. Unemployment had begun to rise. My father and mother were just two of the millions of immigrant workers called away from the Commonwealth, away from their families, by the British so this little island could break their backs in rebuilding this country from the remains of the recent World War. It therefore seemed natural to grow up with a copy of the Qur'an and a copy of Socialist Worker on the dining table. My mother was especially adamant about the rights of women that the Qur'an speaks about and how Islam was formed on the emancipation of women in the form of honouring daughters lives, not their slaughter, as had been the case in 14th Centuray Arabia. She would even speak about sympathising with the difficulties of people of different sexualities.

My mother was the one who taught me to respect difference and that Allah has created us all diversely for a reason, which is Islam's strentgh and a faith of peace and justice. So in my late teens I told my mother I'm a lesbian. I thought she'd be upset but would eventually tolerate if not understand her daughter's sexuality.

However, the fact that her daughter was gay was too much for her and her tolerance disappeared and bigotry appeared. I tried to reason with her and questioned her interpretation of the Qur'an about homosexuality. Despite all our arguments she was not willing to look at the words of the Qur'an without her prejudice. Old traditions were in her too deep to accept her daughter who had always supported her, in her troubles. One year not long after, my mother decided to take me and my brother on Umra (a mini Islamic pilgrimage to Mecca) and a visit to Pakistan since we hadn't seen my family there for years. It was the Christmas during my final year at Uni, despite protests from friends and my partner (who I'd been with for about 7 months), I decided my mum was too liberal to do anything drastic and my brother would be with me, who has always supported me. I didn't want to believe she would do anything to harm me, she’s my mother after all, mother=unconditional love, right?

We were meant to go for three weeks, but when we were over there we were told that the return flight was overbooked and that my brother would come back to England first and we would follow on the next flight. The moment he was gone I was locked in a room at my grandmother's place. My mother came in and told me that I was not going to return to England and I would stay there with them to keep me away from ‘evil’. By the grace of Allah I managed to get back to England months later and despite all the consequences of that in terms of my personal and academic life, I got through it the other side in one piece.

That was close, too close for me to suggest to anyone to take such a risk, no matter how liberal or tolerant you think your family might be. If they think they're saving your soul from hellfire they will do almost anything, even at the expense of your own life. That was many years ago and now I'm in regular contact with my mother, but she still believes she did what was right and that it wasn't to hurt me. There is so much information out there on sexuality and Islam, apart from the tired and in my opinion bigoted interpretations of Islam. I definitely recomend looking at the Safra Project website in the bibliography and links page, www.safraproject.org/sgi-intro.htm

At the end of the day you can't convince others if they don't want to accept a different way of looking at things, if they did they may just have to look at a lot of other things they've taken for granted. Unfortunately lots of people can't stand difference, it makes them unreasonabley scared and then they can become aggressive, and its not always physical but mental torture like blackmail and talk about community shame. If I was meant to be straight I would have been, but I'm gay, I'm South Asian in a majority white country, a Muslim in a 'secular' Christian country and a working class woman in a world controlled by capitalists who are mainly men. I may not have much faith in people sometimes but my faith in Allah and Allah's will is stronger than ever, because Islam has always been about fighting for the oppressed and it makes complete logical sense to me. As the Qur'an states, Allah will not test any person more than what they can manage. I know my experiences have made me who I am and continue to shape my future, only with Allah's mercy, and I am content with this.